There is no doubt that this is a difficult and challenging time for many of us. COVID-19 has altered our plans and schedules, schools are closed, non-essential businesses are closed, and many people are at home. This could be very challenging especially for parents with school-aged kids. Now that the schools are closed, you have the kids with you 24-7. As many of us are thinking, this will be a good time to accomplish many things we have put on the back burner. Perhaps, you are like some who still must work from home while having the kids around. One of the greatest challenges in this situation is managing distractions from the children. 

Some days ago, I saw on the news a father working from home with his children jumping on his shoulder while he was trying to make a call. This could be difficult for people to navigate. I won’t blame the children. They feel elated seeing their parents around. And incessant distractions could drive the parents up a wall.

The question is, how do we manage the situation we are in and avoid distractions from the kids such that we are able to get meaningful work done and kids are able to make productive use of their time? Here are 5 tips you can use to avoid unnecessary distractions:

Tip #1: Have a Discussion with the Kids 

Having discussion creates an avenue for age-appropriate explanations of the situation of things. In this case, the COVID-19 situation and why everyone has to be at home. You also want to set expectations of what is expected of the children and parents. Explain why they can’t play all they and why you also have to get some work done and how setting a routine or agenda will be beneficial to them. This is most effective for children aged 5 and above. This is not effective for children 4years and below. They do not understand cause and effects due to the level of their brain development. Other strategies work for them.

Tip #2: Develop a Schedule/Routine

There is no better time to develop a routine chart than now. Schools are closed for students’ safety and it is uncertain when they will be opened in some countries. The last thing you want is for your children to be accustomed to the lack of structure. Schools run on a structured schedule. It is good to balance work and play in your schedule. It is important for children to exert their energy for about 15mins following a 2-hour work. When developing a schedule, consider the age and attention span of the children. It is crucial to involve the children in setting up the routine. They feel empowered and motivated to follow the schedule if they are respectfully included in developing it. It is important to let the schedule be the boss. In other words, instead of nagging, ask, “What is next on your routine chart?”  

Tip #3: Agree on What You Will Do and Follow Through 

Children being who they are will want to test boundaries and disobey the rules. It is helpful to let the children know what you will do if this happens. This should be discussed in a friendly atmosphere when you are establishing the schedule, way before any misbehaviour occurs. Always check that the children understand and agree. If this is done in a friendly atmosphere, children can have fun negotiating what the consequences will be. It could be something like, “If you fail to do your work at the right time, you will catch up with your break time” or “Only come to me if you really need help that cannot wait else, I will not respond to you until my break time” Some children might throw a fist when you follow through with your agreement, it is normal. Remain calm and empathize by saying “I am sorry you have to catch up with your break time, I have confidence you will make a better choice next time”, then keep quiet and let the tantrum fizzle out. Intervene only when the child is becoming destructive or harmful. After about 3 or 4 times of similar reactions, the child will learn that you mean what you said. When we follow through, we train our children to trust us and take us seriously.

Tip #4: Set a Special Connection Time with Each Child 

Everyone needs attention. Scheduling a special time with each child is a great way to connect with children. It helps them feel special and loved. Let children know ahead of time that they will have a special mummy-and-me time. Children eagerly look forward to this time. If your child comes knocking for something not urgent, to let them know that you are trying to get something done right now. You might say “I am looking forward to our special time at 5 pm.” Spending between 10 to 30 minutes per child is a good starting point. If daily special time is not feasible, ensure it is regular. Please keep your phone away during this time and replace it with fun activities with the child. Special time is a great tool for decreasing misbehaviour and undue attention as children feel a sense of belonging and connection. This tool will require a tweak to use with teenagers.

Tip #5: limit Your Involvement in Sibling Fight

African American woman communicating over cell phone while working at home and trying to silence her son who is screaming beside her.

A very common source of distraction for parents is sibling fights. Siblings get into fights habitually. If parents meddle in every single fight, I can guarantee you will barely get anything done. You cannot prevent every disagreement, but you can wisely choose when to intervene and when to disregard intentionally. Parents need to train themselves to let go, especially when the fight is non-violent. A good strategy here is to ignore and avoid blaming one child for another. I personally use this skill a lot. My 11-year old and 8-years old fight over anything – from who has the first turn on the TV to who showers first. They know I do not intervene at all, so this doesn’t even get to me. Over time I have seen then negotiate with each other and solve their own problems. Prepare children’s minds, encourage them to find solutions, and follow through your own resolve. Allowing children to figure out solutions for themselves helps them learn negotiations, problem-solving, and conflict resolution skills. These are very valuable life skills.

If you find this useful, drop us your comments and ask follow-up questions, if any.  

Watch out for our future post for more detailed strategies.